Not yet done with my "Pamamaalam" series... but a lot has already happened.
Words that have been so carelessly said brought forth our separation. Now, I'm back to my childhood abode... with my son, Marky.
I kinda knew this was what our fallen son, Marky's late baby brother, had wanted... but apparently, not any more. It seems as if Cyrus didn't really want us to leave that house.
Indeed I missed our home. Admittedly, my childhood abode doesn't feel like home anymore... I feel more crazy there, more depressed, and more lazy.
I missed MY own cooking. I missed knowing where to find this or that around the house. And yes, I missed our big bed. I knew Marky missed them, too, though he seems to be enjoying, at the moment, living in a house with a bigger space.
In my childhood abode, I don't have to do the cooking because food's already cooked when we wake up. But really now, though I love my mom so much, I'm not always contented. Marky seems to be, too. Bumabawi lang sa multivitamins.
In my childhood abode, the CR is, well, dirty. That's to take it lightly. Every time I bathe or use the toilet, I always get the urge to pour Zonrox full-strength in the bowl. Most unfortunately, I have had loose bowels ever since we transferred home.
My husband has moved back. I wanted to, too. We have already made amends. They haven't yet with my parents. I know that's kinda wrong, but hey, to be really honest, I want - and need - my son to eat MY cooking, to do his bowel movements in a CLEAN environment again, and to be able to sleep in a BIG bed again.
Never mind the wide space. I'll do all I can to have the strength to bring him out on sunny mornings everyday. I need to make sure I wake up earlier now, so I'll get food cooked earlier, too.
Oh, Lord. Please help me decide. And then, please give me the courage to carry it out. And finally, please give the people around me the openness to accept whatever my decision will be.
AMEN.
