Standing... On Two Arms

That's how it felt at the moment.

We're, kind of, literally on our own now, without either of our biological families to support us in our plans for the future....

Pride. Envy. From time immemorial, these have always been the cause of the cancers wrecking our society. Families? I thought this only took place in the silver screen. But no, I realized, it can happen din pala in real life....

I honestly dunno how we're going to make it, when I finally give birth to our child. We have very little savings. Our only stuff at home that could be of tantamount use when "the moment" finally arrives are our clothes, beddings, silverware and dinnerware, bath stuff... nothing more.

Oh, there's a stove that doesn't have a gas burner... yet (we're waiting for the funds from my salary at my early morning raket... thanks to executives raking in frequent flyer miles, it was SUUPER delayed once more).

And, there's the water heater from his family... that, I think, we're planning to return to them soon (oh, I really wish we could have our own cooking implements soon!).

We have LOTS of books... but could we turn them into diapers? Can the baby feed in them? Or could we clothe our baby with the leaves of broadsheets? Nah.

But I'm hopeful. I kind of don't wanna lose hope, because Daddy gets his strength of character from me, and if I falter and he falters as well... I dunno what's going to happen. We want to give the best for our child. By all means.

LORD, praises and thanks be to You for giving us this little angel... and for the challenges we encounter everyday. They keep us inspired... and strong.

We continue to ask for Your forgiveness if we have been too hasty... but le' me assure You, dearest merciful LORD, that we are working on our amends....

Greatest Provider, please help. Please keep our little angel normal, safe, happy, healthy, and well-provided for. Just that, and I will ask for nothing more.

Baby, Mommy and Daddy love you. We will do everything we can for you. We're excited to see you na, to hold you in our arms. =)

Hay. Minsan nakakabaliw... na nakakatuwa. =)

The Itch... Gone =)

At last, the cold silence was now another thing of the past. =)

So, how did it happen? Well, while he was playing dumb about my presence this weekend, I just spent all my energies on the chores at home so I'll forget my heartaches. =o I made sure everything was spic and span... from the bedroom, to the living room, to the toilet, to the kitchen and dining area... I even fixed all the trash as well as the books lying on the floor for lack of storage space (yet). It was, like, the first time our floor was consistently dust-free, and the kitchen sink was spot-free. =)

Meanwhile, while he was away on his computer gaming spree, I took care of the water containers and wrote him a note. It was just a simple note, detailing everything I felt at that moment, and wishing that baby's born so I can have someone to hug when Daddy doesn't want a hug from Mommy. He read it after his afternoon snack, and sang:

... At hindi magbabago ang takbo ng puso ko
Wala nang hahanapin pa kundi pag-ibig mo
May hiwagang natanto mula sa una pang tagpo
Mananatili 'to at hindi......
Magbabago.....

Oh yeah, it was corny... he always sings that whenever we have LQs or when he's feeling cheesy... hahahaha.....

Anyway... he took a nap... and I finished the dishes and the water. I swept the floor, and... I lay down beside him. I can't help it. I just have to hug him. I was crying while I did. It has just been a day... but it felt like a year has passed since we last talked, and I missed him.

He woke up, and while he's surprised to see me beside him, he didn't push me away... instead, he just smirked and turned his back on me. I hugged him tighter... this time, he faced me and I asked, while in tears, "Bakit ka ba galit sa 'kin?" His answer was a frown, and he closed his eyes. Immediately, I knew... "O, you don't want to talk about it na lang?" He nodded. Then he hugged me and I was in tears once more. He was teary-eyed, too.

I still can't remember the exact reason why he got mad at me, but I believe it was another episode of that one trait which he really hates about me and which I really need to work on: my tendency to interrupt him whenever we're engaged in conversation, especially when I get so excited with what's next. It really pisses him off whenever I do that. So, I really... really... really need to work hard on that.

So, what happens next? We engaged in animated conversation over dinner. This went on up to 10 p.m. We took a break after because he'll go computer gaming and I'm sleepy na. =p He went back around 12 midnight, and when he lay down beside me, the conversation resumes... again.

So much for missing each other. =)

Hehehe.....

I LOVE YOU, DADDY. =)

Crying Jags... Yet Again

Last week, this was the picture:

"How can I ever replace you with anybody else?....

You already know all my colors....

You are now intimately familiar with all my angles....

And you know me on all points.

I love you....."

It was a super awwww moment.

But now, he's mad at me....

And I dunno WHY.

I was trying to recall what happened yesterday....

He arrived in the office.

He was in a good mood... and he looked good in his grey-black polo, black pants and leather shoes.

He just took his teacher's exam from the Division Office.

This was the only requirement he needs to fulfill to be able to secure a schedule from whichever school he will be assigned to teach at.

We were working....

He said he'll go home with me, aboard the company shuttle, earlier than his usual logout.

I surmise, maybe he's tired.

So, when I was done working, I waited for him.

But he isn't giving me a damn anymore.

And he asked me why I was standing there beside him.

I said I was waiting for him.

But he said he won't go home with me, 'cause he doesn't want to go home with me.

So I went home, puzzled.

He went home early... but he's not looking at me or even talking to me.

I was waiting....

But he didn't budge.

So, I just prepared his dinner, and he ate it without giving the slightest reaction.

Then, he went out for three hours of computer gaming.....

As usual, I waited for him to kiss me....

But he didn't... he just pushed me aside, and it hurt, so I cried.

I don't know what's up.

And I don't wanna ask... 'cause I know he won't answer.

And there's lots goin' on inside me right now... the baby's now causing my tummy to literally wave... so that's really what I fuss about all the time right now.

What did I do?

But he lay beside me in bed last night.

He allowed me to hug him, and he hugged me, too.

But when we woke up, it was all the same cold stance again.

Sighsssss..........

I'm back! :)

It's been so long since I last blogged here... but I observed na I have blogged pa pala about having suspicions that I may be a mother na. :) Well, here goes... I'm 6 months on the way na, and though there are challenges (as in, MOUNTING), I've never been happier in my life.... Right now, I've been writing my experiences in a Mommy Diary... will be posting 'em here soon, once I get the time. =) But for now, here's to begin with, after having "hibernated" from blogging for so long.

I just aw this article while browsing the Yahoo! Shine site for some worthwhile reads. I'm a fan of natural beauty stuff (although I don't get to practice or advocate often), so I think it's worth posting. =)

For girls (and guys, why not) out there: Here are easy ways to make sure you stay flawless (haha)... or, well, maybe if you want a spa-like experience in the comfort of your own home (without shelling out extra bucks). =)

Read on..... =)

DIY beauty treatments you can make in your own kitchen

From: http://shine.yahoo.com/event/makeover/diy-beauty-treatments-you-can-make-in-your-own-kitchen-1263801/ 1.

Detoxifying Bath Salts

¾ cup Epsom salts
¼ cup baking soda
4 drops of grapefruit essential oil (or scent of your choice)

Combine dry ingredients in a bowl. One at a time, add drops of essential oil, stirring after each addition. Add salts to warm bath water.

2. Wake Me Up Scrub
from Body + Soul
¼ cup olive oil
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 cup sugar
15 drops peppermint essential oil
½ cup used coffee grounds from a freshly brewed pot

Combine all ingredients in a medium bowl and thoroughly blend. Transfer the scrub to a wide mouthed jar, and store in a cool place until ready to use. The scrub will keep for one to two weeks, longer if refrigerated.

3. Almond Orange Scrub
from Self
1 handful almonds
1 orange peel
1 cup grapeseed or olive oil

Blitz all ingredients in a blender or food processor for an antioxidant rich scrub.

4. Simplest Super Scrub

½ cup brown sugar
½ cup grapeseed oil (olive oil would be great, too)
splash of vanilla extract

Stir to combine and slough away!

5. Sweet and Spicy Sugar Scrub
adapted from Care2
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup white granulated sugar
¾ cup almond, hazelnut, or coconut oil
2 teaspoons cinnamon
2 teaspoons ginger
2 teaspoons nutmeg

In a medium-sized bowl, combine all ingredient. Using a whisk, blend ingredients thoroughly, making sure to break up any lumps of brown sugar or spice.

6. Oatmeal Yogurt Mask For All Skin Types
1 tablespoon oatmeal, finely ground
1 tablespoon plain yogurt
a few drops of honey

Add the yogurt to the oatmeal in a small bowl and mix together. Warm a few drop of honey. To do this, warm a spoon under hot water for a minute, then add a few drops of honey to the spoon. Stir the honey into the yogurt and oatmeal mixture. Apply the mask to face. Leave on for 10 minutes, then rinse off with several splashes of warm water.

7. Green Papaya Brightening Mask For All Skin Types
from Body + Soul

½ cup unripe papaya, diced
1 teaspoon plain yogurt
1 teaspoon honey

Blend ingredients in a food processor until smooth. Apply to clean skin and leave on 10 minutes. Rinse off using cool water and pat dry. Finish by applying a gentle moisturizer.

8. Avocado Mask for Dry Skin
½ avocado
¼ cup honey

Mash the avocado in a bowl, then stir in honey. Apply to skin and leave for 10 minutes, then rinse.

9. Banana Mask for Oily Skin
1 banana, preferably ripe (you can keep ripe bananas in the freezer. Let it thaw before using)
1 tbsp honey
an orange or a lemon

Mix the banana and honey together in a bowl. Add a few drops of juice from an orange or a lemon. Apply to face for 15 minutes, then rinse.

10. Classic Eye De-Puffer
2 chamomile tea bags or 2 slices cucumber

Make a cup of tea for you and a friend. Remove tea bags and place in refrigerator until chilled. Place cool tea bags on closed eyes for 10 minutes. Or put cucumber slices in fridge until chilled and place over closed eyes for 10 minutes.

11. Old-Fashioned Bubble Bath
from Real Simple
½ cup mild liquid hand or body soap
1 tablespoon sugar or honey
1 egg white

Mix ingredients together in a bowl and the entire mixture under running bath water as you draw your bath. Honey is a natural humectant, and the egg white helps create stronger, longer-lasting bubbles. For extra-dry skin, adda tablespoon of light oil, such as almond or light sesame.

12. Foaming Vanilla-Honey Bath
from Real Simple
1 cup light oil (almond, sunflower, or canola)
½ cup honey
½ cup mild liquid hand or body soap
1 tablespoon vanilla extract.

Mix ingredients together in a glass jar. To use, shake gently to remix and pour ¼ cup under running bath water.

It's been so long....

... since I last wrote on this blog, and I must admit, I really missed it....

The days, weeks, months that have passed have been a testament to our love for each other....

And now, it's, like, bearing fruit.

Am I ready to be a wife and a mother?

Soon?

So help me, God.

RAKON, XHIBIT! \m/

It was performance night last night. :o I'm super aminado that there were parts, just the teensiest parts, where I wasn't able to give my bestest best. :o But it was amazing how the people rushed on to me after the show, congratulating me for a job well done, telling me how very natural my acting was, just how acting seems like just a piece of cake to me now. Actually, acting IS never something that's easy for me to do, even if I've been into training ever since I started schooling as a kid. It's even harder right now because it's been so long since I last acted on stage... I guess the last time was last year, and that wasnt even on stage. But then again, what I did last night was just a concession to the fact that that's just not me pulling the act, it's God. Because, if I do it on my own, gosh, what a mess it's gonna be!

I'm glad then because three very special groups of people were there to watch me and the rest of the cast of Xhibit do our thing. :) They are as follows:

* Fellow Corinthians - it's sad how I abandoned them for the weeks that I've been spending for practices on Xhibit. I remember how John, Hannah, Eds, Romer, Adel... who else... have been nagging me to at least lead the teaching of songs for the group every Sunday. Now, I'll be able to do that again. :) But maybe, not tomorrow. Hehe. For the reason, I'll write about that later.

* World Youth Day Mates - the gang was almost complete... I wasn't able to see Mommy Angel, Rosel, Shen, Kuya Noel, Ate Lany, Kuya Mike, and Ate Abby. Hehe... but I was surprised to see Daddy JP and Ring. How I missed them! All the bonding, the laughter, the tears, the prayers, the experiences we shared during our almost a month of stay in Australia last July. Glad to know we're all still on track to becoming beacons of light for the world. Chorva lang! :p

* My Family - Ate Maye said, "hagalpak sa tawa mga magulang mo sa pinaggagagawa mo." Hahaha. Of course, hindi lang ako, Aldrin, the one who played Richie, was funnier than me because his role is actually to be the clown of the cast. But anyway, it was a blessing having them around to watch the play. It was nakakahiya pa nga, because I don't have money then and I wasn't able to treat them after the play as I've promised. So much for all the show of extravagance.

And yes, he was there. :)

On the eve of the play, he already told me that he might not be able to come because his budget will no longer suffice if he did. I was sad, as in, very sad, but of course, what could I do? All I could do was to pay sympathy and understand him. But I've been really hoping that he could come, not just because I want him to see our show but because I want him to see just what I've been working on these past few weeks.

You see, he's been kinda worried about me attending the rehearsals back then because almost every time we talked then, I'd always have a cough or colds. They seem so severe because I'd even have the flu and I've been vomiting blood already, so he was pleading if I could just give up performing in the play because it's affecting my health. I understand him, but of course, I can't. It's what I want to do. It's my only really sincere, hard-worked offering for Jesus this year, so my side that tells me I want fulfillment urges strongly that I shouldn't give up this stint. Sure, I won't earn any dough from here, but at least, I would be able to make people and God happy, and I would be able to make myself happy as well.

And then, yes, right after the play, as I was lost in my collection of borrowed stuff which I used as props, two special friends approached me, and....

"Uy, nakita ko."

"Ang alin?"

"Siya."

"Sinong..."

"Eh sino pa nga ba, 'di ba?"

"TALAGA??? NASA'N SIYA???"

I knew it. I just knew it.

He's always there for me even when I don't tell him to be so.

What more when I ask for it?

AWW.

Thank God I'm loved by someone I love back. :)

Musings

I don't really have a Christmas wish list just yet. And yeah, I don't think that I will ever need one. But I do have New Year's resolutions already. Maybe I'll post them here some other time.

For this Christmas, maybe the following wish list would suffice:

* Noche buena and gifts for the family
* I want a quiet Christmas. If this could be a Christmas where I could spend the whole day alone or doing stuff at Church, the better.
* LOVE.

That's it, I guess.

And by the way, I'll pursue my plan to move out on January. I'm still looking for a place to move to. My options, currently, are Zuzuarregui, Almar, and East Fairview. The good thing about East Fairview and Almar is that everything's complete in there--the location is very strategic and has many options for transpo, shopping, business, and even church. Zuzuarregui, on the other hand, is rad because it is very near my offices, is very affordable (P2,500 for a studio-type place, complete with water, electricity, and furniture), and is near a major road, although one still has to travel to be able to get to the nearest mall or church. But it was great. Right now, I'm still confirming if there are still available locations for me on all three options. And then, once Eds is ready, she'll move in with me, too.

Is this a permanent thing already? Not yet. Maybe I'm gonna try for a month first. If it's OK, and I find that it is actually more cost efficient than staying at home, then I might as well continue it. My plans are already all set--yes, even mitigating measures in case emergency cases come up.

I guess this is the biggest decision I've made so far, to move out, finally.

And nope, this is NOT a move to get closer to Kris. This is something I wanna do for my own fulfillment.

That's it.