It was performance night last night. :o I'm super aminado that there were parts, just the teensiest parts, where I wasn't able to give my bestest best. :o But it was amazing how the people rushed on to me after the show, congratulating me for a job well done, telling me how very natural my acting was, just how acting seems like just a piece of cake to me now. Actually, acting IS never something that's easy for me to do, even if I've been into training ever since I started schooling as a kid. It's even harder right now because it's been so long since I last acted on stage... I guess the last time was last year, and that wasnt even on stage. But then again, what I did last night was just a concession to the fact that that's just not me pulling the act, it's God. Because, if I do it on my own, gosh, what a mess it's gonna be!
I'm glad then because three very special groups of people were there to watch me and the rest of the cast of Xhibit do our thing. :) They are as follows:
* Fellow Corinthians - it's sad how I abandoned them for the weeks that I've been spending for practices on Xhibit. I remember how John, Hannah, Eds, Romer, Adel... who else... have been nagging me to at least lead the teaching of songs for the group every Sunday. Now, I'll be able to do that again. :) But maybe, not tomorrow. Hehe. For the reason, I'll write about that later.
* World Youth Day Mates - the gang was almost complete... I wasn't able to see Mommy Angel, Rosel, Shen, Kuya Noel, Ate Lany, Kuya Mike, and Ate Abby. Hehe... but I was surprised to see Daddy JP and Ring. How I missed them! All the bonding, the laughter, the tears, the prayers, the experiences we shared during our almost a month of stay in Australia last July. Glad to know we're all still on track to becoming beacons of light for the world. Chorva lang! :p
* My Family - Ate Maye said, "hagalpak sa tawa mga magulang mo sa pinaggagagawa mo." Hahaha. Of course, hindi lang ako, Aldrin, the one who played Richie, was funnier than me because his role is actually to be the clown of the cast. But anyway, it was a blessing having them around to watch the play. It was nakakahiya pa nga, because I don't have money then and I wasn't able to treat them after the play as I've promised. So much for all the show of extravagance.
And yes, he was there. :)
On the eve of the play, he already told me that he might not be able to come because his budget will no longer suffice if he did. I was sad, as in, very sad, but of course, what could I do? All I could do was to pay sympathy and understand him. But I've been really hoping that he could come, not just because I want him to see our show but because I want him to see just what I've been working on these past few weeks.
You see, he's been kinda worried about me attending the rehearsals back then because almost every time we talked then, I'd always have a cough or colds. They seem so severe because I'd even have the flu and I've been vomiting blood already, so he was pleading if I could just give up performing in the play because it's affecting my health. I understand him, but of course, I can't. It's what I want to do. It's my only really sincere, hard-worked offering for Jesus this year, so my side that tells me I want fulfillment urges strongly that I shouldn't give up this stint. Sure, I won't earn any dough from here, but at least, I would be able to make people and God happy, and I would be able to make myself happy as well.
And then, yes, right after the play, as I was lost in my collection of borrowed stuff which I used as props, two special friends approached me, and....
"Uy, nakita ko."
"Ang alin?"
"Siya."
"Sinong..."
"Eh sino pa nga ba, 'di ba?"
"TALAGA??? NASA'N SIYA???"
I knew it. I just knew it.
He's always there for me even when I don't tell him to be so.
What more when I ask for it?
AWW.
Thank God I'm loved by someone I love back. :)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Musings
I don't really have a Christmas wish list just yet. And yeah, I don't think that I will ever need one. But I do have New Year's resolutions already. Maybe I'll post them here some other time.
For this Christmas, maybe the following wish list would suffice:
* Noche buena and gifts for the family
* I want a quiet Christmas. If this could be a Christmas where I could spend the whole day alone or doing stuff at Church, the better.
* LOVE.
That's it, I guess.
And by the way, I'll pursue my plan to move out on January. I'm still looking for a place to move to. My options, currently, are Zuzuarregui, Almar, and East Fairview. The good thing about East Fairview and Almar is that everything's complete in there--the location is very strategic and has many options for transpo, shopping, business, and even church. Zuzuarregui, on the other hand, is rad because it is very near my offices, is very affordable (P2,500 for a studio-type place, complete with water, electricity, and furniture), and is near a major road, although one still has to travel to be able to get to the nearest mall or church. But it was great. Right now, I'm still confirming if there are still available locations for me on all three options. And then, once Eds is ready, she'll move in with me, too.
Is this a permanent thing already? Not yet. Maybe I'm gonna try for a month first. If it's OK, and I find that it is actually more cost efficient than staying at home, then I might as well continue it. My plans are already all set--yes, even mitigating measures in case emergency cases come up.
I guess this is the biggest decision I've made so far, to move out, finally.
And nope, this is NOT a move to get closer to Kris. This is something I wanna do for my own fulfillment.
That's it.
For this Christmas, maybe the following wish list would suffice:
* Noche buena and gifts for the family
* I want a quiet Christmas. If this could be a Christmas where I could spend the whole day alone or doing stuff at Church, the better.
* LOVE.
That's it, I guess.
And by the way, I'll pursue my plan to move out on January. I'm still looking for a place to move to. My options, currently, are Zuzuarregui, Almar, and East Fairview. The good thing about East Fairview and Almar is that everything's complete in there--the location is very strategic and has many options for transpo, shopping, business, and even church. Zuzuarregui, on the other hand, is rad because it is very near my offices, is very affordable (P2,500 for a studio-type place, complete with water, electricity, and furniture), and is near a major road, although one still has to travel to be able to get to the nearest mall or church. But it was great. Right now, I'm still confirming if there are still available locations for me on all three options. And then, once Eds is ready, she'll move in with me, too.
Is this a permanent thing already? Not yet. Maybe I'm gonna try for a month first. If it's OK, and I find that it is actually more cost efficient than staying at home, then I might as well continue it. My plans are already all set--yes, even mitigating measures in case emergency cases come up.
I guess this is the biggest decision I've made so far, to move out, finally.
And nope, this is NOT a move to get closer to Kris. This is something I wanna do for my own fulfillment.
That's it.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
On Money Matters
Paano kaya ako makaka-survive bukas?
Kanina, I've spent the last P50 in my wallet. Sweldo naman tomorrow dun sa isa kong raket... kaya lang, mga bandang hapon pa 'yun darating. 0_o So... I dunno. OK na ako papunta sa office. Ang tanong, kung paano ako makakauwi.
Hehehe. Anyway, hindi ko pa naman nabibilang 'yung coins ko. Baka makasapat na rin pamasahe pauwi.
Hahay. I can say this is one of the perks of budgetting your own money for yourself and for your family, whom you support.
Bakit naman perk? Isn't it supposed to be a disadvantage all because it's so hard to budget? Para sa 'kin, perk ito kasi super dami kong natututunan. Siguro 'yung pinakaastig na mga natutunan ko about budgeting are as follows:
* SAVE. Siguro maswerte ako ngayon kasi binabaha ako ng raket. That is, NGAYON. Hindi pa rin tayo nakakasiguro sa bukas, kamakalawa, sa susunod na taon. Kaya habang nandyan pa ang mga raket, MAGTIPID. Kahit P500 lang kada sweldo. Always make sure you have something to deposit every single payday sa iyong bank accounts. Humindi sa expenses kapag kinakailangan. Hindi naman sa nagkukuripot ka. Anyway, balang araw, pag ginawa mo 'to, you can make libre all you want. Hehehe. Or, maybe hindi pa rin... pero at least, kapag totoong nangailangan ka na, lagi kang may madudukot.
Assessment:
Grabe, I've failed miserably in this area. Two bank accounts have mga P2k each. One has a tumataginting na P180. Ang nakakaloka ro'n, merong P3k na minimum dapat na laman 'yun every month. Kumusta naman. Hindi malayong mag-negative ang balanse ko anumang oras mula ngayon.
Aminado ako na naging aimless ang aking paggastos nitong nakaraang mga buwan simula nang magtungo at makabalik ako from Australia para sa WYD. Ang aim ko talaga ay bawiin ang lahat ng nagastos ko para sa WYD. Ang tangi ko lang talagang motivating factor eh 'yung fact na na-finance ko ng ako lang ang WYD, kaya sure ako na makaka-save din ulit ako ng ganun kalaki. Nung una, successful ako. Pero ngayon, nawawala ang aking resolve na mag-ipon. Kaya pagsapit ng Enero, hopefully. Hehe. Sana.
* INVEST. May parable tungkol dito, 'di ba? 'Yung mga lalaking binigyan ng gold coins ba 'yun (basta coins) tapos inatasan sila ng kanilang master na palaguin pa 'yung binigay sa kanila. Sa ngayon, ano na ba ang nainvest ko? Here goes:
-> (Most recent) Siyempre, itong pa-rebond ko, hehehe
-> A digicam (na ngayon ay pinapaayos. Ito lang ang masasabi ko, hindi kasi ako ang bumili nun.)
-> An electric fan (na nasa parents' bedroom)
-> My cellphone (na ngayon ay sira na dahil lumangoy sa kape. Huwaaahhh, ang karma.... =(
-> 'Yung mouse nitong PC namin (as if that's even significant)
Ayun lang natatandaan ko.
Siyempre, nakapag-invest din ako ng web writing business with the fiance ng walang gastos (ang tangi ko lang talagang gastos dun is 'yung envelopes 'tsaka siguro pamasahe na rin papuntang bangko, hehehe). Talagang gusto kong lumago pa ito. Kahit ilan lang kaming nagsusulat. Anyway, nakakawindang din 'pag sobrang dami.
Sa darating na taon, I'm planning to invest on a laptop. =) Plano ko ring bilhan ng bagong keyboard itong PC namin, 'tsaka hard disk. Tapos, 'yung matagal ko nang ipinangakong fridge. Hehehe. Ayun muna for now.
'Yun lang so far.
Ngayong Pasko, hindi muna ako magtitipid. I want to spend for my family and friends sa community at sa work. Pero syempre, hindi ganun kabongga. Hehe. 'Tsaka ang pinaka-urgent, kailangan ko ng cellphone.
Actually, masaya naman ako na walang cellphone. Kaya lang kasi, siyempre, career woman ako (yuck, hanggang ngayon, 'di ko pa rin feel), so people have to have some contact with me wherever and whenever. Ayun. Kaya... sa darating na sweldo ro'n sa TV raket ko, bibili na ako ng cellphone. Ayoko na ng magandang cellphone. Para sa akin, tama na 'yung nakakatawag at nakaka-text. 'Tsaka siyempre, matibay.
Ayun lang.
Kanina, I've spent the last P50 in my wallet. Sweldo naman tomorrow dun sa isa kong raket... kaya lang, mga bandang hapon pa 'yun darating. 0_o So... I dunno. OK na ako papunta sa office. Ang tanong, kung paano ako makakauwi.
Hehehe. Anyway, hindi ko pa naman nabibilang 'yung coins ko. Baka makasapat na rin pamasahe pauwi.
Hahay. I can say this is one of the perks of budgetting your own money for yourself and for your family, whom you support.
Bakit naman perk? Isn't it supposed to be a disadvantage all because it's so hard to budget? Para sa 'kin, perk ito kasi super dami kong natututunan. Siguro 'yung pinakaastig na mga natutunan ko about budgeting are as follows:
* SAVE. Siguro maswerte ako ngayon kasi binabaha ako ng raket. That is, NGAYON. Hindi pa rin tayo nakakasiguro sa bukas, kamakalawa, sa susunod na taon. Kaya habang nandyan pa ang mga raket, MAGTIPID. Kahit P500 lang kada sweldo. Always make sure you have something to deposit every single payday sa iyong bank accounts. Humindi sa expenses kapag kinakailangan. Hindi naman sa nagkukuripot ka. Anyway, balang araw, pag ginawa mo 'to, you can make libre all you want. Hehehe. Or, maybe hindi pa rin... pero at least, kapag totoong nangailangan ka na, lagi kang may madudukot.
Assessment:
Grabe, I've failed miserably in this area. Two bank accounts have mga P2k each. One has a tumataginting na P180. Ang nakakaloka ro'n, merong P3k na minimum dapat na laman 'yun every month. Kumusta naman. Hindi malayong mag-negative ang balanse ko anumang oras mula ngayon.
Aminado ako na naging aimless ang aking paggastos nitong nakaraang mga buwan simula nang magtungo at makabalik ako from Australia para sa WYD. Ang aim ko talaga ay bawiin ang lahat ng nagastos ko para sa WYD. Ang tangi ko lang talagang motivating factor eh 'yung fact na na-finance ko ng ako lang ang WYD, kaya sure ako na makaka-save din ulit ako ng ganun kalaki. Nung una, successful ako. Pero ngayon, nawawala ang aking resolve na mag-ipon. Kaya pagsapit ng Enero, hopefully. Hehe. Sana.
* INVEST. May parable tungkol dito, 'di ba? 'Yung mga lalaking binigyan ng gold coins ba 'yun (basta coins) tapos inatasan sila ng kanilang master na palaguin pa 'yung binigay sa kanila. Sa ngayon, ano na ba ang nainvest ko? Here goes:
-> (Most recent) Siyempre, itong pa-rebond ko, hehehe
-> A digicam (na ngayon ay pinapaayos. Ito lang ang masasabi ko, hindi kasi ako ang bumili nun.)
-> An electric fan (na nasa parents' bedroom)
-> My cellphone (na ngayon ay sira na dahil lumangoy sa kape. Huwaaahhh, ang karma.... =(
-> 'Yung mouse nitong PC namin (as if that's even significant)
Ayun lang natatandaan ko.
Siyempre, nakapag-invest din ako ng web writing business with the fiance ng walang gastos (ang tangi ko lang talagang gastos dun is 'yung envelopes 'tsaka siguro pamasahe na rin papuntang bangko, hehehe). Talagang gusto kong lumago pa ito. Kahit ilan lang kaming nagsusulat. Anyway, nakakawindang din 'pag sobrang dami.
Sa darating na taon, I'm planning to invest on a laptop. =) Plano ko ring bilhan ng bagong keyboard itong PC namin, 'tsaka hard disk. Tapos, 'yung matagal ko nang ipinangakong fridge. Hehehe. Ayun muna for now.
'Yun lang so far.
Ngayong Pasko, hindi muna ako magtitipid. I want to spend for my family and friends sa community at sa work. Pero syempre, hindi ganun kabongga. Hehe. 'Tsaka ang pinaka-urgent, kailangan ko ng cellphone.
Actually, masaya naman ako na walang cellphone. Kaya lang kasi, siyempre, career woman ako (yuck, hanggang ngayon, 'di ko pa rin feel), so people have to have some contact with me wherever and whenever. Ayun. Kaya... sa darating na sweldo ro'n sa TV raket ko, bibili na ako ng cellphone. Ayoko na ng magandang cellphone. Para sa akin, tama na 'yung nakakatawag at nakaka-text. 'Tsaka siyempre, matibay.
Ayun lang.
MARYAN, GROW UP.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Parang Tinatamad Ako Na Hindi Na Magtrabaho Ngayon
Sa bagay, holiday kasi and I'm not really supposed to go to work. Pero syempre, iba na ang may pangarap sa buhay. (Hahaha, gumaganun!)
Wala lang. Gusto kong magsulat. Naiinis lang ako kasi parang pressured ako sa time. Mamaya, 6 to 7pm, dry run na ng aming play para sa Nova Creative Fest. Dapat 3pm nasa assembly place na. Pero nagpaalam naman akong malelate kasi raraket pa ako. Hehe. Ngayon, it's past 2:30 na, kakatapos ko lang gumawa ng isang article, at feeling ko, issubmit ko na lang muna ito agad ngayon. Tapos, mag-aayos ako ng kwarto at super mukha nang basura dun ngayon.
Ang hirap din ng walang panggising sa madaling araw. Hehe. Nasabi ko nang wala na akong cellphone, 'di ba? Kaya ayun. Maghihintay pa ako ng payday para makabili ng bago. Paano kasi, 'yung pampaayos dun sa current CP ko, tama nang pambili ng bago at de-kalidad din namang cellphone. Kapag pinaayos ko pa ang current CP ko, may risk pa na maburiki lang 'yun. Hehe. Pero sayang din, andami kasing numbers dun eh. Hehe. At, nawawala pala 'yung SIM ko. So, wala na 'yung dati kong number. Baka mag-switch na rin ako ng network para lang masaya. Hehehe.
Malapit nang mag-Pasko, and yet mainit pa rin. Just to give you guys a heads up: may isang bagyo pa raw tayong aasahan bago magtapos ang year, according to Pagasa. Whatever. Mainit pa rin.
Still, sana maging masaya ang Pasko ko ngayong taon.
Ngunit kahit na anong mangyari
Ang pag-ibig sana ay maghari
Sapat ng si Hesus ang kasama mo
Tuluy-tuloy pa rin ang Pasko.
Wala lang. Gusto kong magsulat. Naiinis lang ako kasi parang pressured ako sa time. Mamaya, 6 to 7pm, dry run na ng aming play para sa Nova Creative Fest. Dapat 3pm nasa assembly place na. Pero nagpaalam naman akong malelate kasi raraket pa ako. Hehe. Ngayon, it's past 2:30 na, kakatapos ko lang gumawa ng isang article, at feeling ko, issubmit ko na lang muna ito agad ngayon. Tapos, mag-aayos ako ng kwarto at super mukha nang basura dun ngayon.
Ang hirap din ng walang panggising sa madaling araw. Hehe. Nasabi ko nang wala na akong cellphone, 'di ba? Kaya ayun. Maghihintay pa ako ng payday para makabili ng bago. Paano kasi, 'yung pampaayos dun sa current CP ko, tama nang pambili ng bago at de-kalidad din namang cellphone. Kapag pinaayos ko pa ang current CP ko, may risk pa na maburiki lang 'yun. Hehe. Pero sayang din, andami kasing numbers dun eh. Hehe. At, nawawala pala 'yung SIM ko. So, wala na 'yung dati kong number. Baka mag-switch na rin ako ng network para lang masaya. Hehehe.
Malapit nang mag-Pasko, and yet mainit pa rin. Just to give you guys a heads up: may isang bagyo pa raw tayong aasahan bago magtapos ang year, according to Pagasa. Whatever. Mainit pa rin.
Still, sana maging masaya ang Pasko ko ngayong taon.
Ngunit kahit na anong mangyari
Ang pag-ibig sana ay maghari
Sapat ng si Hesus ang kasama mo
Tuluy-tuloy pa rin ang Pasko.
ADVANCED MERRY CHRISTMAS PO SA LAHAT 
Meanwhile....
Palagay ko, ako'y la-logout muna. Baka gabi na mag-o-online ang lolo ko. O baka, hindi na rin. :( Huhu. Pero sana, makausap ko siya bukas. Kasi... wala lang, walang pakialaman! Alam na rin naman siguro kung bakit.
I miss him. Hahay.
Palagay ko, ako'y la-logout muna. Baka gabi na mag-o-online ang lolo ko. O baka, hindi na rin. :( Huhu. Pero sana, makausap ko siya bukas. Kasi... wala lang, walang pakialaman! Alam na rin naman siguro kung bakit.
I miss him. Hahay.
Nood Po Kayo Ng Play Namin =)
Ito ang lahok namin sa Tanglaw, isang patimpalak ng mga stage plays ng bawat vicariate sa ilalim ng Diocese of Novaliches.
Very simple, yet very touching story. Ako man ay na-move sa lines namin. Hehe.
Nood kayo, a? :)
Sana mai-share namin sa inyo sa pamamagitan ng play na ito kung ano talaga ang spirit ng Christmas.
Clue: Base sa natutunan ko sa play, bawat isa ay may iba't ibang kahulugan ng Pasko. Pero the bottom line is still JESUS CHRIST. Waay na iba pa. :)
See you at Robinson's next week! :)
The Advent Wreath
Wala lang... natuwa lang ako sa kuwento ni Fr. Mike tungkol sa Advent Wreath, kaya gusto ko itong i-share dito. :)
You see, first Sunday of Advent na kasi nitong nagdaang Sunday, kaya naman ibig sabihin, hudyat na rin para sindihan ang isa sa apat na candles ng Advent Wreath. Ano nga ba ang hitsura ng Advent Wreath? Well, it's basically just that: a wreath, but what makes it special eh 'yung four candles nga. 'Yung tatlo sa candles are colored purple, habang 'yung isa naman, colored rose. Bakit naman tayo merong Advent Wreath? Alam niyo kasi, nagsimula raw ito sa kuwento ng isang teacher, siguro ng mga preschool student, na tuwing December eh lagi siyang tinatanong kung malapit na bang mag-Pasko. Para hindi makulitan, the teacher devised a plan para mapaalam sa students how many weeks to go before Christmas in a more creative way. At dito nga nabuo ang concept ng Advent Wreath.
Sa first two weeks bago mag-Pasko, sinisindihan ni teacher ang dalawang purple candles mula sa wreath. Pagdating ng third and last week before Christmas, saka naman niya sisindihan ang rose candle. Simbolo ito na sobrang malapit nang dumating ang pinakahihintay nila, at 'yun nga ay ang Christmas. Sa mismong araw naman ng Christmas (o sa Sunday ba na ka-align ng Christmas? Not really sure which is which), saka sisindihan ang pang-apat na purple candle ng wreath.
Ayun. Wala lang. Nakakatuwa.
1st day of December. Kanina, habang nag-i-input ako ng content para sa intro spiels ng aming mga anchor, I remember feeling excited to put in, "Unang araw sa buwan ng Disyembre, taong dos mil ocho." Wala lang. It's all because Christmas is in the air.
CHRISTMAS IS LOVE. =)
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Major OUCH.
Nasa lugar ba ako? Siguro wala. Pero ito lang ang nararamdaman ko. Gusto ko lang ilabas. Actually, kung meron lang ako kaninang ballpen 'tsaka papel, kanina ko pa nailabas. Pero hindi ko 'yun nagawa. Pinilit ko na lang umuwi ng maaga pagkasimba ko, nag-ayos kaunti, ganun pa rin... at nag-log on.
Ako: Hindi mo ba ako pwedeng samahan mag-Mass?
Ito: Hindi kita pinipigilang magsimba. Pero uuwi na ako.
Sa bagay. Masakit ang ulo niya. At pagod siya. At... sa maraming dahilan. Ayoko na mag-usisa. Naiiyak na kasi ako nun.
So, sumakay na nga ako ng jeep. Tinignan siya habang paalis. Nakatingin din naman siya. Pero hindi na rin niya siguro nakita na unti-unti nang tumutulo ang mga luha ko nun....
Hindi ko alam, pero kasi... nasasaktan ako. Ewan ko ba. I felt rejected. Pero alam ko, wala naman talaga akong laban. Masama pakiramdam niya. Kasama niya kapatid niya, at hinihintay na siya. Wala lang. Wala akong magawa.
Bumili ulit ako ng kape. Dalawang sachet. Mamaya, iinumin ko. Pero hindi na makakapaghintay ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Kailangan, now na 'yung cure. Dalawang "solusyon" ang naisip ko: uminom o mag-ice cream sa Ministop. Uminom? Nah, it's not like me. Mag-ice cream? Oh yes, usually a quality cone of ice cream cheers me up. And yes, kapag naglalakad ako mula FCM hanggang simbahan, in a weird way, nare-relieve ako ro'n. So I decided to take the latter, maglakad at mag-ice cream. Habang naglalakad ako, shit, hindi pa rin naiwasan ng puso ko na mag-emo. At parang gago lang, muntik pa akong mapa'no ng 'di oras dahil may lalaking nanlilisik ang mata na mukha (at amoy) lasing ang bigla na lang nag-"hi" at sumunod sa 'kin. Buti na lang, may ilaw pa ang streetlights (pumapatay kasi 'yun 'pag 7pm, ewan ko kung bakit), kaya ang ginawa ko, tyumempo ako na maraming sasakyan at saka ako tumawid. Buti na lang, parang na-distract pa 'ata 'yung gago, sinigawan pa ng mga sasakyan na muntik na siyang mabangga (sana tinuluyan niyo na!). Ayun. Nung naka-sure na 'ko na wala na ang kumag, tumawid na ulit ako. Sa eksenang 'yun, medyo na-divert ang atensyon ko sa kaba dahil nga sa gagong stalker na 'yun. Pero nung tumawid ako, parang may bad vibes... tumulo na naman ulit ang luha sa aking mga mata. Tumawid na naman ako, sa pag-aakalang nasa side ng kalsada ang dahilan kung bakit ako napapa-emo. Nakakainis, kasi wala pa rin... ganun pa rin. Promise talaga, kung nandun lang kayo, iisipin niyo may kung anuman akong iniiwasan o may topak lang ako.
So, nakarating ako ng Dahlia na parang... wala lang, mugto ang mga mata ko. Buti na lang, naka-cap ako. So... tumungo akong Ministop para mag-sundae. Ayun. Parang balik lang sa pagkabata... I ate it like a kid, pero hindi marumi. Hehe. Nakarating akong church, nag-a-ice cream pa rin. Pero lalo lang sumakit 'yung nararamdaman ko. Buti na lang madilim, hindi napansin ng mga nakasalubong ko at naka-"hello" ko na namumugto ang mga mata ko.
Misa. 'Yung lighting sa loob ng simbahan is parang rosy ang dating, so mukhang mugto ang mata ng lahat. Thank heavens. Tinry kong mag-concentrate sa pagsisimba. Somehow, it worked, kasi medyo OK ako pagkatapos. Pero nung nakasakay na ako ng trike, shit, ayan na naman. Hahay.
Naglakad ako. Galing kanto namin hanggang sa bahay. Somehow, umaasa ako na tumitingin din siya sa mga bituin na tinitingnan ko. Huwaaahhh, emo. Pero... ewan ko ba.
Sana....
Wala lang.
Hay.
Ano ba?
Ewan.
'Di ko maintindihan sarili ko.
Ang gusto ko talaga? Magparamdam ka naman sa kahit anong paraan kapag may chance ka. Hinahanap ko 'yun palagi. Kabit isang PM lang sa YM. O reply sa messages ko wherever. Kahit isa lang. Alam ko this is freakin' meager. Pero hinahanap-hanap ko 'yun.
Gusto kong makasama ka ng mas matagal. Pero ano nga naman kasi ang laban ko? Wala naman akong karapatan, kasi kapatid mo na 'yun.
Nasasaktan ako.
Hindi ko alam kung nasa lugar ako para maramdaman ito.
Pero wala akong magawa....
Kasi ito talaga ang nararamdaman ko.
Hay. Kakayod na nga lang muna ako.
Kahit ang mga luha ay tumutulo pa rin.
Kaunting kape lang katapat n'yan.
Hehehehe.
Tagay na.
Kasi, ang mahal ko....
Hindi ko masolo.
Hahaha.
Pathetic.
Buwisit na puso 'to.
Ako: Hindi mo ba ako pwedeng samahan mag-Mass?
Ito: Hindi kita pinipigilang magsimba. Pero uuwi na ako.
Sa bagay. Masakit ang ulo niya. At pagod siya. At... sa maraming dahilan. Ayoko na mag-usisa. Naiiyak na kasi ako nun.
So, sumakay na nga ako ng jeep. Tinignan siya habang paalis. Nakatingin din naman siya. Pero hindi na rin niya siguro nakita na unti-unti nang tumutulo ang mga luha ko nun....
Hindi ko alam, pero kasi... nasasaktan ako. Ewan ko ba. I felt rejected. Pero alam ko, wala naman talaga akong laban. Masama pakiramdam niya. Kasama niya kapatid niya, at hinihintay na siya. Wala lang. Wala akong magawa.
Bumili ulit ako ng kape. Dalawang sachet. Mamaya, iinumin ko. Pero hindi na makakapaghintay ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Kailangan, now na 'yung cure. Dalawang "solusyon" ang naisip ko: uminom o mag-ice cream sa Ministop. Uminom? Nah, it's not like me. Mag-ice cream? Oh yes, usually a quality cone of ice cream cheers me up. And yes, kapag naglalakad ako mula FCM hanggang simbahan, in a weird way, nare-relieve ako ro'n. So I decided to take the latter, maglakad at mag-ice cream. Habang naglalakad ako, shit, hindi pa rin naiwasan ng puso ko na mag-emo. At parang gago lang, muntik pa akong mapa'no ng 'di oras dahil may lalaking nanlilisik ang mata na mukha (at amoy) lasing ang bigla na lang nag-"hi" at sumunod sa 'kin. Buti na lang, may ilaw pa ang streetlights (pumapatay kasi 'yun 'pag 7pm, ewan ko kung bakit), kaya ang ginawa ko, tyumempo ako na maraming sasakyan at saka ako tumawid. Buti na lang, parang na-distract pa 'ata 'yung gago, sinigawan pa ng mga sasakyan na muntik na siyang mabangga (sana tinuluyan niyo na!). Ayun. Nung naka-sure na 'ko na wala na ang kumag, tumawid na ulit ako. Sa eksenang 'yun, medyo na-divert ang atensyon ko sa kaba dahil nga sa gagong stalker na 'yun. Pero nung tumawid ako, parang may bad vibes... tumulo na naman ulit ang luha sa aking mga mata. Tumawid na naman ako, sa pag-aakalang nasa side ng kalsada ang dahilan kung bakit ako napapa-emo. Nakakainis, kasi wala pa rin... ganun pa rin. Promise talaga, kung nandun lang kayo, iisipin niyo may kung anuman akong iniiwasan o may topak lang ako.
So, nakarating ako ng Dahlia na parang... wala lang, mugto ang mga mata ko. Buti na lang, naka-cap ako. So... tumungo akong Ministop para mag-sundae. Ayun. Parang balik lang sa pagkabata... I ate it like a kid, pero hindi marumi. Hehe. Nakarating akong church, nag-a-ice cream pa rin. Pero lalo lang sumakit 'yung nararamdaman ko. Buti na lang madilim, hindi napansin ng mga nakasalubong ko at naka-"hello" ko na namumugto ang mga mata ko.
Misa. 'Yung lighting sa loob ng simbahan is parang rosy ang dating, so mukhang mugto ang mata ng lahat. Thank heavens. Tinry kong mag-concentrate sa pagsisimba. Somehow, it worked, kasi medyo OK ako pagkatapos. Pero nung nakasakay na ako ng trike, shit, ayan na naman. Hahay.
Naglakad ako. Galing kanto namin hanggang sa bahay. Somehow, umaasa ako na tumitingin din siya sa mga bituin na tinitingnan ko. Huwaaahhh, emo. Pero... ewan ko ba.
Sana....
Wala lang.
Hay.
Ano ba?
Ewan.
'Di ko maintindihan sarili ko.
Ang gusto ko talaga? Magparamdam ka naman sa kahit anong paraan kapag may chance ka. Hinahanap ko 'yun palagi. Kabit isang PM lang sa YM. O reply sa messages ko wherever. Kahit isa lang. Alam ko this is freakin' meager. Pero hinahanap-hanap ko 'yun.
Gusto kong makasama ka ng mas matagal. Pero ano nga naman kasi ang laban ko? Wala naman akong karapatan, kasi kapatid mo na 'yun.
Nasasaktan ako.
Hindi ko alam kung nasa lugar ako para maramdaman ito.
Pero wala akong magawa....
Kasi ito talaga ang nararamdaman ko.
Hay. Kakayod na nga lang muna ako.
Kahit ang mga luha ay tumutulo pa rin.
Kaunting kape lang katapat n'yan.
Hehehehe.
Tagay na.
Kasi, ang mahal ko....
Hindi ko masolo.
Hahaha.
Pathetic.
Buwisit na puso 'to.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
If You Only Knew
I give you anything everything
If you would be mine
I give you stars above and all my love
* How can you be so blind, so blind
I'm going up my mind
All the time for you
Yes it's true
Refr. If you only knew that I'm crazy for you
then you'll understand
If I only knew what's you're goin' through
then I'll understand
Now I know that I have no chance
Oh... to make your mind
But if I own the world
Would you be my (man)
I love you, Kris......
Kailan ba kita pwedeng mahalin na wala nang magagalit dahil mahal kita?
Magagawa ko bang pigilan ang nararamdaman ko para sa 'yo....
Kung seryosong oras-oras, minu-minuto, hindi ko maiwasang maisip ka....
Kung seryosong tuwing makakakita ako ng iba, bigla na lang sasagi sa isipan ko na iba ka talaga....
Kung seryosong sa tuwing maiisip kita, grabe ang pagtibok ng puso ko....
Kung sa tuwing tumitibok ang puso ko, laging nabubuksan ang aking mga mata sa hinaharap....
Sa isang hinaharap kasama ka....
Sa kabila ng lahat ng mga pagsubok, 'andito pa rin ako para sa 'yo.
Mahal na mahal kita....
If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through
Tonight
And if my heart is lying then
What should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you, baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If I'm not in love with you
And if I don't need your touch
Why do I miss you so much
Tonight
If it’s just infatuation then
Why is my heart aching
To hold you forever
Give a part of me I thought I’d never
Give again to someone I could lose
If I'm not in love with you
Why in every fantasy
Do I feel your arms embracing me
Lovers lost in sweet desire
Why in dreams do I surrender
Like a little baby
Someone help explain this feeling
Someone tell me..........
All About Goals
Had the blessed opportunity to engage in chitchat with my dearest earlier... made me envious yet proud to have a loved one who knows his place in the world, who knows where he's headed to, and whose life is not that dead-ended such as mine.
Makes me wanna wonder, once more, kung ano ba talaga ang gusto kong mangyari sa life ko. What do I wanna be able to do? What do I wanna accomplish? Where I am headed in the next five years?
Why all the fuss?, you may ask. You see, five years ago, when I was still a college student, I had a really clear vision of what I want to be in the next five years. I know my place in the world, I know where I'm at, and I know where I'll be in the next five years. And yes, dumating na nga ang five years na 'yun. Ang hindi ko lang inexpect, sa sobrang dami ng mga biglang nangyari, hindi ako nakapag-vision-mission planning sa susunod na namang five years dahil sa pagkawindang-ever ko. Kaya heto ako ngayon, nangangapa... at nangangamba, dahil saka ko na-realize na ang next-five-years life planning pala ay mas importante ngayon na done na ako with school. Ang difference kasi kapag nasa school ka pa, at least, may nakalatag na talagang plan para sa 'yo, dahil anyway, wala ka namang ibang gagawin kundi mag-aral talaga. Sumunod sa utos ng iyong mga magulang. Sumali ng extracurricular activities kung hilig mo. Mag-take ka ng summer o part-time job kung hindi kaya ng parents mo na pag-aralin ka. Pero bottom line is, specific lang talaga ang goal mo: ang malaman kung ano ang gusto mong maging paglaki mo, ang makatapos ng pag-aaral, at makita ang katuparan ng gusto mong maging paglaki mo.
Heto ang sinasabi ko. 'Yung point na dumating na sa katuparan 'yung gusto mong maging paglaki mo. Dumating na ako sa puntong iyon. Dumating na ako sa puntong nakikita ko na sa sarili ko kung ano 'yung gusto kong maging paglaki ko, at masaya na sana ako... kung hindi lang dumating ang samu't saring mga pagsubok. Maraming times na nagtatanong ako, bakit nga ba nangyayari sa akin ang lahat ng mga ito? Ngayon ko unti-unting nare-realize (at marami pa akong realizations na dapat malaman) na nangyayari ang lahat ng ito hindi talaga dahil hinayaan ko ang mga itong mangyari (although may mga pagkakataon na oo, hinayaan ko talagang mangyari... pero generally ngayon, that is), kundi dahil all these things are INEVITABLE. Ang nakakainis lang, alam ko naman noon pa man na inevitable ang mga bagay na ito noon pa man, pero hindi pa rin ako nakapag-isip ng mitigating measures para in case na mangyari ang mga ito, ready na ako. Pero ayun, siguro ganun talaga. Anyway, hindi naman talaga ako sinanay sa aking paglaki kung ano talaga ang gagawin ko sa mga ganitong bagay. I've always been in a guessing game. I wanna ask, kaya lang kasi, whenever I ask, lagi lang akong nadi-disappoint, kasi although may encouragements, alam niyo 'yun... parang lagi pa rin talagang lamang ang mga OK-hindi-mo-pwedeng-gawin-'yan-ito-ang-dapat-mong-gawin-kung-hindi-mali-ka ek-ek. OK lang sana talaga kung isa, dalawang beses lang sa isang sitwasyon... kaya lang, kung all the way na lang ganun, parang... ano ba? Mabubuhay na lang ba ako habambuhay na sumusunod sa utos? O sa "suggestion," dahil iyon ang tawag nila ro'n (na kapag hindi mo sinunod, takwil ka na, menos trust na sa 'yo for life)?
Pagod na akong mabuhay na pilit akong gumagawa ng mga hakbang para ako mag-grow, pero lagi akong may takot dahil hindi papabor sa ilan. Gusto kong mag-try ng something new. Gusto kong magpakarebelde, maging aktibista, pero in the constructive kind of way. Kasi alam ko, kaya ko naman. At alam din naman nila na kaya ko. Pero bakit tuwing nagsasabi ako, para bang lagi na lang mali, laging huwag? Eh 'yun naman ang ginagawa ko sa mga pagkakataong nagkaka-shining moments ako in life? 'Di ko lang sinasabi kasi alam ko na, matatakot na naman ako.
So, let's zero in. Ano ba ang gusto ko talaga? Here goes:
* Gusto ko talagang ma-experience na bumukod. Kahit start muna sa rent ng bahay o kwarto... basta my own personal space. Kasama ko si Eds. May options na akong nakita. Alam ko, magiging magastos. At mas mahirap. Bukod sa magbabayad ako for my own place and stuff, ako kikilos lahat, tapos magbibigay pa ako for the family. Pero kakayanin. Alam kong kaya kong bumukod. Kasi nagagawa ko na 'yun.
* Gusto ko ng laptop, para madadala ko sa aking paupahang tahanan o kaya madadala ko kung saan man kapag gusto ko ng bagong working environment. Siguro uunahin ko ang pag-aambisyon dito. :)
* Gusto kong magpatuloy sa pagsusulat. Masaya ako sa ginagawa ko ngayon. Sumusulat ng balita na pang-madaling araw, tapos gumagawa ng web content articles, at tumatanggap ng commissioned work. Alam ko, ayaw dito ng parents ko, pero gusto kong walang magbawal sa akin dito dahil passion ko ito. Gusto kong lumago pa ang aking web writing business.
* Gusto ko ng matabang bank accounts. Ipinapangako ko na sa susunod na taon, talagang kahit na anong mangyari, hihindi na ako kung kailangan para lang makapagtabi ako ng maski limandaang piso lang sa bawat sweldo ko. Iba na talaga kasi ang may naitatabi.
* Gusto ko nang mabili ng bagong fridge ang aking family. At tumulong para matupad na ang minimithing family business ni Mama. Gusto ko rin na may maitulong para sa pag-aaral ni Toto.
* (Edited) Just to add... pero hindi necessarily in the next five years ko ito gustong mangyari (forever can wait, 'ika nga), kung magpapakasal, mag-aasawa, magpapamilya man ako... gusto ko sa kanya. Oo, alam niyo na siguro. Sa nag-iisa kong mahal.
Ayun muna sa ngayon. :)
Sige, kainan na. =)
Makes me wanna wonder, once more, kung ano ba talaga ang gusto kong mangyari sa life ko. What do I wanna be able to do? What do I wanna accomplish? Where I am headed in the next five years?
Why all the fuss?, you may ask. You see, five years ago, when I was still a college student, I had a really clear vision of what I want to be in the next five years. I know my place in the world, I know where I'm at, and I know where I'll be in the next five years. And yes, dumating na nga ang five years na 'yun. Ang hindi ko lang inexpect, sa sobrang dami ng mga biglang nangyari, hindi ako nakapag-vision-mission planning sa susunod na namang five years dahil sa pagkawindang-ever ko. Kaya heto ako ngayon, nangangapa... at nangangamba, dahil saka ko na-realize na ang next-five-years life planning pala ay mas importante ngayon na done na ako with school. Ang difference kasi kapag nasa school ka pa, at least, may nakalatag na talagang plan para sa 'yo, dahil anyway, wala ka namang ibang gagawin kundi mag-aral talaga. Sumunod sa utos ng iyong mga magulang. Sumali ng extracurricular activities kung hilig mo. Mag-take ka ng summer o part-time job kung hindi kaya ng parents mo na pag-aralin ka. Pero bottom line is, specific lang talaga ang goal mo: ang malaman kung ano ang gusto mong maging paglaki mo, ang makatapos ng pag-aaral, at makita ang katuparan ng gusto mong maging paglaki mo.
Heto ang sinasabi ko. 'Yung point na dumating na sa katuparan 'yung gusto mong maging paglaki mo. Dumating na ako sa puntong iyon. Dumating na ako sa puntong nakikita ko na sa sarili ko kung ano 'yung gusto kong maging paglaki ko, at masaya na sana ako... kung hindi lang dumating ang samu't saring mga pagsubok. Maraming times na nagtatanong ako, bakit nga ba nangyayari sa akin ang lahat ng mga ito? Ngayon ko unti-unting nare-realize (at marami pa akong realizations na dapat malaman) na nangyayari ang lahat ng ito hindi talaga dahil hinayaan ko ang mga itong mangyari (although may mga pagkakataon na oo, hinayaan ko talagang mangyari... pero generally ngayon, that is), kundi dahil all these things are INEVITABLE. Ang nakakainis lang, alam ko naman noon pa man na inevitable ang mga bagay na ito noon pa man, pero hindi pa rin ako nakapag-isip ng mitigating measures para in case na mangyari ang mga ito, ready na ako. Pero ayun, siguro ganun talaga. Anyway, hindi naman talaga ako sinanay sa aking paglaki kung ano talaga ang gagawin ko sa mga ganitong bagay. I've always been in a guessing game. I wanna ask, kaya lang kasi, whenever I ask, lagi lang akong nadi-disappoint, kasi although may encouragements, alam niyo 'yun... parang lagi pa rin talagang lamang ang mga OK-hindi-mo-pwedeng-gawin-'yan-ito-ang-dapat-mong-gawin-kung-hindi-mali-ka ek-ek. OK lang sana talaga kung isa, dalawang beses lang sa isang sitwasyon... kaya lang, kung all the way na lang ganun, parang... ano ba? Mabubuhay na lang ba ako habambuhay na sumusunod sa utos? O sa "suggestion," dahil iyon ang tawag nila ro'n (na kapag hindi mo sinunod, takwil ka na, menos trust na sa 'yo for life)?
Pagod na akong mabuhay na pilit akong gumagawa ng mga hakbang para ako mag-grow, pero lagi akong may takot dahil hindi papabor sa ilan. Gusto kong mag-try ng something new. Gusto kong magpakarebelde, maging aktibista, pero in the constructive kind of way. Kasi alam ko, kaya ko naman. At alam din naman nila na kaya ko. Pero bakit tuwing nagsasabi ako, para bang lagi na lang mali, laging huwag? Eh 'yun naman ang ginagawa ko sa mga pagkakataong nagkaka-shining moments ako in life? 'Di ko lang sinasabi kasi alam ko na, matatakot na naman ako.
So, let's zero in. Ano ba ang gusto ko talaga? Here goes:
* Gusto ko talagang ma-experience na bumukod. Kahit start muna sa rent ng bahay o kwarto... basta my own personal space. Kasama ko si Eds. May options na akong nakita. Alam ko, magiging magastos. At mas mahirap. Bukod sa magbabayad ako for my own place and stuff, ako kikilos lahat, tapos magbibigay pa ako for the family. Pero kakayanin. Alam kong kaya kong bumukod. Kasi nagagawa ko na 'yun.
* Gusto ko ng laptop, para madadala ko sa aking paupahang tahanan o kaya madadala ko kung saan man kapag gusto ko ng bagong working environment. Siguro uunahin ko ang pag-aambisyon dito. :)
* Gusto kong magpatuloy sa pagsusulat. Masaya ako sa ginagawa ko ngayon. Sumusulat ng balita na pang-madaling araw, tapos gumagawa ng web content articles, at tumatanggap ng commissioned work. Alam ko, ayaw dito ng parents ko, pero gusto kong walang magbawal sa akin dito dahil passion ko ito. Gusto kong lumago pa ang aking web writing business.
* Gusto ko ng matabang bank accounts. Ipinapangako ko na sa susunod na taon, talagang kahit na anong mangyari, hihindi na ako kung kailangan para lang makapagtabi ako ng maski limandaang piso lang sa bawat sweldo ko. Iba na talaga kasi ang may naitatabi.
* Gusto ko nang mabili ng bagong fridge ang aking family. At tumulong para matupad na ang minimithing family business ni Mama. Gusto ko rin na may maitulong para sa pag-aaral ni Toto.
* (Edited) Just to add... pero hindi necessarily in the next five years ko ito gustong mangyari (forever can wait, 'ika nga), kung magpapakasal, mag-aasawa, magpapamilya man ako... gusto ko sa kanya. Oo, alam niyo na siguro. Sa nag-iisa kong mahal.
Ayun muna sa ngayon. :)
Sige, kainan na. =)
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Day Completed
... but all tasks are not yet accomplished.
Anyway, I'm tired already. Guess I'll just speak about my life aspirations tomorrow na lang.
Sayang naman. Nasa mood na 'ko kanina. Next time, alam ko na... kapag gusto kong mag-blog ng ganung mga bagay, uunahin ko na lang muna 'yun. Sa bagay, pang-re-energize nga naman 'yun.
Hay buhay. Parang life. In Italiano, e la vita. Ahahaha.
'Til next. =)
MARYAN'S GONNA SNOOZE NA. (",)
Anyway, I'm tired already. Guess I'll just speak about my life aspirations tomorrow na lang.
Sayang naman. Nasa mood na 'ko kanina. Next time, alam ko na... kapag gusto kong mag-blog ng ganung mga bagay, uunahin ko na lang muna 'yun. Sa bagay, pang-re-energize nga naman 'yun.
Hay buhay. Parang life. In Italiano, e la vita. Ahahaha.
'Til next. =)
MARYAN'S GONNA SNOOZE NA. (",)
There's Something About Today's Horoscopes
I've been checking out my Friendster some time this afternoon when I found this:
My dearest is a Sagittarius. I am a Virgo. If you wanna check out my horoscope for the day, it's in my Multiply. On the other hand, his horoscope really titillated me for quite some time. What would he do for me today? What COULD he do for me today?
If he were to ask me what I want him to do for me? Wala lang talaga. Just be there for me. And talk to me. Tell me you love me. Let's share with each other our aspirations in life. Tell me you need me and that I'm with your life plans. Just that, and you're gonna make me the happiest woman in the world, at least for a day.
So, what happened? Hours later, I suddenly received an IM via Yahoo! Messenger. It's him! Well, it isn't unusual, but I dunno why that IM just felt so special during that time. Wala lang, we just chatted, and yes, he did share his aspirations, I shared mine, we shared jokes, experiences for the day, what we wanna do in the future, our not-yet-plotted plans for the next five years, and so on. And yes, he made me feel that he needs me. And yes, he told me he loves me. Three times.
Now, here's the question: Am I happy? I'll answer through another question: Isn't it obvious???
Alam kong hindi pa nagtatapos dito ang lahat. Pero ngayon palang, ito na ang masasabi ko:
Salamat, aking mahal.
Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
The Bottom Line
Your imagination knows no bounds -- come up with a plan for you and your sweetie.
In Detail
Your imagination knows no bounds right now, so it's a very good day to come up a plan for winning over your crush -- or solidifying things with your sweetie. Give it a few minutes of thought, and you'll be able to craft an unforgettably sweet and fun experience for the two of you to share. It goes without saying that dinner and a movie is out -- think about what you two like to do most and an idea is sure to pop in your head eventually. Just give it time.
My dearest is a Sagittarius. I am a Virgo. If you wanna check out my horoscope for the day, it's in my Multiply. On the other hand, his horoscope really titillated me for quite some time. What would he do for me today? What COULD he do for me today?
If he were to ask me what I want him to do for me? Wala lang talaga. Just be there for me. And talk to me. Tell me you love me. Let's share with each other our aspirations in life. Tell me you need me and that I'm with your life plans. Just that, and you're gonna make me the happiest woman in the world, at least for a day.
So, what happened? Hours later, I suddenly received an IM via Yahoo! Messenger. It's him! Well, it isn't unusual, but I dunno why that IM just felt so special during that time. Wala lang, we just chatted, and yes, he did share his aspirations, I shared mine, we shared jokes, experiences for the day, what we wanna do in the future, our not-yet-plotted plans for the next five years, and so on. And yes, he made me feel that he needs me. And yes, he told me he loves me. Three times.
Now, here's the question: Am I happy? I'll answer through another question: Isn't it obvious???
Alam kong hindi pa nagtatapos dito ang lahat. Pero ngayon palang, ito na ang masasabi ko:
Salamat, aking mahal.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I Want This Day To Be Better
Yesterday was a Tuesday, and yeah, Tuesday is usually my hell day, so I'm not surprised that it turned out all shitty right then and there. Now, it's a Wednesday, and while Wednesdays aren't usually my glory days, I'm determined, at least at this very hour, to make this Wednesday a better day than yesterday.
So, how's it faring so far? Actually, the start of the day's already threatened to make this day even more crappy than yesterday. And it's all because of the damn gasoline allowance thing. My brother asked me for money to fill up the gas tank, and I kinda kidded around that my money's in my other bag (which is true, anyway... my bigger loot's in my rather "ornate" shoulder bag, which rests in all its majestic glory in my bedroom). Truth is, I just don't wanna go back any more 'cause it's 3:45 am already and I'm supposed to be at the office before 4 am. I actually hate being later than 4am because it's the hour when work starts rushing in. At least, when I log in before 4 am, I still have time to linger for even just a minute, check carefully through my stuff and all.
So, back to the gas money thing. When I said my money's in my other bag, my really bratty brother ('cause he really IS bratty) went back to bed, stomping his feet along the way. I had to ask dad to call the rascal back. And yes, when he's back, it's already 3:55 am.
OK, OK, I should've forgiven the circumstances. But my brother did not stop ranting about how I'm so much "sinuswerte" to have service to work and how I should be giving "without questions" since I'm the one who's "sinuswerte nga naman." You know, that whole "sumbat" thing. It really got on my nerves. In the first place, I DIDN'T want to be fetched to work. When I was in college, I could even get up earlier and take public transport to places such as Divisoria, Cubao, and Quiapo, without being beaten or killed the slightest bit. Add to that the fact that this whole fetching thing is just TOO EXPENSIVE... I mean, I could save at least P30 a day if I just commute. P30 a day, or P150 a week, could already go a long way.
So, what did I do? I grabbed all the bills I have in my wallet and threw it on the floor of our owner-type vehicle all the way to my office. Then, as I was about to alight, I picked them up, alighted from the vehicle, and shoved the bills to dad. Then, I said, "Starting tomorrow, I'm gonna commute."
I haven't told Mom yet. But I hope she'd just succumb. I'm getting fed up with all this bullshit about money. Especially when it threatens to ruin my day.
Another thing: this morning, I spewed out phlegm on to the toilet bowl and, guess what? It's got little specks of blood on it. :o That's when I decided I really need to do something to get better. Our play's less than two weeks away. Plus, there's this marathon thing on Sunday that I'm not even sure if I can really manage to go to because I'm short of budget and of course of good health. And, there's Music Min practice on Sunday, critic night on Thursday, more work for the coming days. Omigosh.
So, right now, I have here a jug of water which I intend to empty, because water therapy's the best way, I guess, to cure myself. And yes, I'm just gonna blog. And Plurk. And write. Nothing feels better than writing all the stuff that I don't wanna merely get shelved into oblivion.
So help me God.
So, how's it faring so far? Actually, the start of the day's already threatened to make this day even more crappy than yesterday. And it's all because of the damn gasoline allowance thing. My brother asked me for money to fill up the gas tank, and I kinda kidded around that my money's in my other bag (which is true, anyway... my bigger loot's in my rather "ornate" shoulder bag, which rests in all its majestic glory in my bedroom). Truth is, I just don't wanna go back any more 'cause it's 3:45 am already and I'm supposed to be at the office before 4 am. I actually hate being later than 4am because it's the hour when work starts rushing in. At least, when I log in before 4 am, I still have time to linger for even just a minute, check carefully through my stuff and all.
So, back to the gas money thing. When I said my money's in my other bag, my really bratty brother ('cause he really IS bratty) went back to bed, stomping his feet along the way. I had to ask dad to call the rascal back. And yes, when he's back, it's already 3:55 am.
OK, OK, I should've forgiven the circumstances. But my brother did not stop ranting about how I'm so much "sinuswerte" to have service to work and how I should be giving "without questions" since I'm the one who's "sinuswerte nga naman." You know, that whole "sumbat" thing. It really got on my nerves. In the first place, I DIDN'T want to be fetched to work. When I was in college, I could even get up earlier and take public transport to places such as Divisoria, Cubao, and Quiapo, without being beaten or killed the slightest bit. Add to that the fact that this whole fetching thing is just TOO EXPENSIVE... I mean, I could save at least P30 a day if I just commute. P30 a day, or P150 a week, could already go a long way.
So, what did I do? I grabbed all the bills I have in my wallet and threw it on the floor of our owner-type vehicle all the way to my office. Then, as I was about to alight, I picked them up, alighted from the vehicle, and shoved the bills to dad. Then, I said, "Starting tomorrow, I'm gonna commute."
I haven't told Mom yet. But I hope she'd just succumb. I'm getting fed up with all this bullshit about money. Especially when it threatens to ruin my day.
Another thing: this morning, I spewed out phlegm on to the toilet bowl and, guess what? It's got little specks of blood on it. :o That's when I decided I really need to do something to get better. Our play's less than two weeks away. Plus, there's this marathon thing on Sunday that I'm not even sure if I can really manage to go to because I'm short of budget and of course of good health. And, there's Music Min practice on Sunday, critic night on Thursday, more work for the coming days. Omigosh.
So, right now, I have here a jug of water which I intend to empty, because water therapy's the best way, I guess, to cure myself. And yes, I'm just gonna blog. And Plurk. And write. Nothing feels better than writing all the stuff that I don't wanna merely get shelved into oblivion.
So help me God.
The Love I Have For You....
... is so much profound.
Grabe. I just can't explain it in words.
But as a writer, words are really all I have to express how I feel about him.
And right now, I'm at a loss for words.
I MISS HIM.
I just really do.
Every night, I cling on to his picture, hoping he was here.
Call it desperate, obsessive love.
But the point is this:
It was love.
It IS love.
It may be wrong....
But all I know is that I really LOVE him.
It's not that I want to coerce him to love me, too.
It's just that I have this strange feeling that as long as I stay with him, everything will be OK.
It's just that I can't help but think about him every single minute of every single day.
It's just that I wanna do EVERYTHING to make him happy.
Because when he's happy, I'm even happier.
When he's sad, my whole world falls apart as well.
He is basically me.
He defines my life.
That's scary.
But that's reality.
I'm so hopelessly in love....
WITH YOU.
I love you, Kris....
Grabe. I just can't explain it in words.
But as a writer, words are really all I have to express how I feel about him.
And right now, I'm at a loss for words.
I MISS HIM.
I just really do.
Every night, I cling on to his picture, hoping he was here.
Call it desperate, obsessive love.
But the point is this:
It was love.
It IS love.
It may be wrong....
But all I know is that I really LOVE him.
It's not that I want to coerce him to love me, too.
It's just that I have this strange feeling that as long as I stay with him, everything will be OK.
It's just that I can't help but think about him every single minute of every single day.
It's just that I wanna do EVERYTHING to make him happy.
Because when he's happy, I'm even happier.
When he's sad, my whole world falls apart as well.
He is basically me.
He defines my life.
That's scary.
But that's reality.
I'm so hopelessly in love....
WITH YOU.
I love you, Kris....
My first blog post =)
Hi, wala lang. Natuwa lang ako kasi many of my professional contacts have blogger.com accounts. So para maging in, tatry ko na rin. =)
Kung noon ang mas active yet mas private kong account ay Frappr, palagay ko, ililipat ko na lang lahat ng blogs ko rito. Kasi, 'yung sa Frappr, ewan ko ba, pero nawawala na 'yung mga dati kong pinost. Parang hindi talaga siya pang-blog... parang tipong trying hard lang maging Friendster pero 'di naman kaya. Haha. Kaya, 'eto.
Pero I'm still keeping my Multiply. =) Bale, ito na ang mga sites ko ngayon:
www.maryan45.multiply.com
www.frappr.com/mariannealivio
www.profiles.friendster.com/mariannealivio
Ayun lang. =)
Hehe.
Kung noon ang mas active yet mas private kong account ay Frappr, palagay ko, ililipat ko na lang lahat ng blogs ko rito. Kasi, 'yung sa Frappr, ewan ko ba, pero nawawala na 'yung mga dati kong pinost. Parang hindi talaga siya pang-blog... parang tipong trying hard lang maging Friendster pero 'di naman kaya. Haha. Kaya, 'eto.
Pero I'm still keeping my Multiply. =) Bale, ito na ang mga sites ko ngayon:
www.maryan45.multiply.com
www.frappr.com/mariannealivio
www.profiles.friendster.com/mariannealivio
Ayun lang. =)
Hehe.
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