I Want This Day To Be Better

Yesterday was a Tuesday, and yeah, Tuesday is usually my hell day, so I'm not surprised that it turned out all shitty right then and there. Now, it's a Wednesday, and while Wednesdays aren't usually my glory days, I'm determined, at least at this very hour, to make this Wednesday a better day than yesterday.

So, how's it faring so far? Actually, the start of the day's already threatened to make this day even more crappy than yesterday. And it's all because of the damn gasoline allowance thing. My brother asked me for money to fill up the gas tank, and I kinda kidded around that my money's in my other bag (which is true, anyway... my bigger loot's in my rather "ornate" shoulder bag, which rests in all its majestic glory in my bedroom). Truth is, I just don't wanna go back any more 'cause it's 3:45 am already and I'm supposed to be at the office before 4 am. I actually hate being later than 4am because it's the hour when work starts rushing in. At least, when I log in before 4 am, I still have time to linger for even just a minute, check carefully through my stuff and all.

So, back to the gas money thing. When I said my money's in my other bag, my really bratty brother ('cause he really IS bratty) went back to bed, stomping his feet along the way. I had to ask dad to call the rascal back. And yes, when he's back, it's already 3:55 am.

OK, OK, I should've forgiven the circumstances. But my brother did not stop ranting about how I'm so much "sinuswerte" to have service to work and how I should be giving "without questions" since I'm the one who's "sinuswerte nga naman." You know, that whole "sumbat" thing. It really got on my nerves. In the first place, I DIDN'T want to be fetched to work. When I was in college, I could even get up earlier and take public transport to places such as Divisoria, Cubao, and Quiapo, without being beaten or killed the slightest bit. Add to that the fact that this whole fetching thing is just TOO EXPENSIVE... I mean, I could save at least P30 a day if I just commute. P30 a day, or P150 a week, could already go a long way.

So, what did I do? I grabbed all the bills I have in my wallet and threw it on the floor of our owner-type vehicle all the way to my office. Then, as I was about to alight, I picked them up, alighted from the vehicle, and shoved the bills to dad. Then, I said, "Starting tomorrow, I'm gonna commute."

I haven't told Mom yet. But I hope she'd just succumb. I'm getting fed up with all this bullshit about money. Especially when it threatens to ruin my day.

Another thing: this morning, I spewed out phlegm on to the toilet bowl and, guess what? It's got little specks of blood on it. :o That's when I decided I really need to do something to get better. Our play's less than two weeks away. Plus, there's this marathon thing on Sunday that I'm not even sure if I can really manage to go to because I'm short of budget and of course of good health. And, there's Music Min practice on Sunday, critic night on Thursday, more work for the coming days. Omigosh.

So, right now, I have here a jug of water which I intend to empty, because water therapy's the best way, I guess, to cure myself. And yes, I'm just gonna blog. And Plurk. And write. Nothing feels better than writing all the stuff that I don't wanna merely get shelved into oblivion.

So help me God.

The Love I Have For You....

... is so much profound.

Grabe. I just can't explain it in words.

But as a writer, words are really all I have to express how I feel about him.

And right now, I'm at a loss for words.

I MISS HIM.

I just really do.

Every night, I cling on to his picture, hoping he was here.

Call it desperate, obsessive love.

But the point is this:

It was love.

It IS love.

It may be wrong....

But all I know is that I really LOVE him.

It's not that I want to coerce him to love me, too.

It's just that I have this strange feeling that as long as I stay with him, everything will be OK.

It's just that I can't help but think about him every single minute of every single day.

It's just that I wanna do EVERYTHING to make him happy.

Because when he's happy, I'm even happier.

When he's sad, my whole world falls apart as well.

He is basically me.

He defines my life.

That's scary.

But that's reality.

I'm so hopelessly in love....

WITH YOU.

I love you, Kris....

My first blog post =)

Hi, wala lang. Natuwa lang ako kasi many of my professional contacts have blogger.com accounts. So para maging in, tatry ko na rin. =)

Kung noon ang mas active yet mas private kong account ay Frappr, palagay ko, ililipat ko na lang lahat ng blogs ko rito. Kasi, 'yung sa Frappr, ewan ko ba, pero nawawala na 'yung mga dati kong pinost. Parang hindi talaga siya pang-blog... parang tipong trying hard lang maging Friendster pero 'di naman kaya. Haha. Kaya, 'eto.

Pero I'm still keeping my Multiply. =) Bale, ito na ang mga sites ko ngayon:

www.maryan45.multiply.com
www.frappr.com/mariannealivio
www.profiles.friendster.com/mariannealivio

Ayun lang. =)

Hehe.